Porn Addiction Is A Systemic Problem
Many men struggle with pornography addiction. And it's not all their fault.
The predatory business model of the porn industry intentionally targets the population at large, even knowingly ensnaring children into the innocence-destroying pay-per-click scheme. The pornography industry has repeatedly beaten back attempts to put age restrictions and paywalls to prevent children from accessing the material because the porn producers admitted such measures would destroy their industry.
Countless men, women, and children have become victims in a decades-long battle for purity. The good news, ending addiction to pornography is possible. Freedom is within your reach.
Here Are 5 Steps To Quit Porn For Good
Step 1 - Admit You Have A Problem
The first step in overcoming porn addiction is to acknowledge that you have a problem. You are not unique in this. Nearly every man you know has struggled too, so don't be too hard on yourself. There are thousands, if not millions, of porn producers out there trying to make a buck from your clicks. You don't even have to pay for it, they get paid in advertising revenue every time you click, so clicks are all you have to provide.
Acknowledge that they hooked you and you feel powerless to overcome it. Once you acknowledge the problem, you can take steps to achieve success.
Step 2 - Normalize Sexual Desires
The path to purity is best begun with a proper mindset. Porn use and the social stigma around it leads you to believe that your sexual urges are bad. They are not. It is natural for healthy men to be attracted to the female form.
If you are married, at some point you were (or still are) physically attracted to your wife. Marriage does not flip a switch in your head that turns off your attractions to other women. (Pro tip: Don't try to convince your wife otherwise.) Many women don't understand this, and some become very jealous and feel betrayed when they find out their husbands are attracted to other women.
Christ imposed upon men the requirement to remain faithful to one wife in spite of those healthy and natural sexual urges. The goal in overcoming pornography addiction is not to suppress the urges, but to normalize them and go about your day, allowing the urges to exist, but without catering to them.
Step 3 - Do It For YOU
You've acknowledged you have a problem, and you understand that your urges are normal, but your success will be limited if you lack proper motivation. Why do you want to stop watching porn?
- Is it for you, or for someone else?
- Is it because you don't like the looks of displeasure from your parents/wife?
- Do you feel guilty when you go to church?
- Do you want to be a better husband or father?
Your reason for quitting is vital, and most importantly you must do it for you, because you deserve more than the fleeting pleasures porn can give you. Your life is worth more. You are worth more.
Step 4 - Identify Your Triggers
Identifying your triggers is vitally important. Traditionally, pornography addiction was understood as being merely a deficit in control of sexual urges, and that those sexual urges were strongest when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H.A.L.T.).
New understanding has emerged that pornography addiction is based in unfulfilled emotional needs like feeling connection, acknowledged, or wanted. This indicates the feeling right before the urge to look at pornography.
The brain links these things together:
- When you feel unwanted, pornography helps you feel wanted.
- When you feel ignored, pornography helps you feel acknowledged.
- When you feel disconnected from your wife, porn creates a sense of connection.
Unfulfilled emotional needs generally underlie porn addiction. Sometimes that feeling of disconnectedness comes right before bed, or you feel abandonment when your wife goes to bed early. These feelings are emotional triggers, and identifying them and letting yourself feel them will help you move through them, so that they have less power over you.
It is important to talk about these triggers with a close friend or family member who supports you.
Step 5 - Find Accountability
Getting the right support is important. Maybe you have friends who share the same struggle, or a parent or friend who is a good support. The general advice is to join or form an accountability group, but many people experience only limited success because the groups focus primarily on failures, which brings up more shame, which often ends in falling again.
Instead, have your friend or accountability partner focus on your successes in overcoming temptation that week, and your other unrelated successes.
Rewarding the victories will reinforce the behaviors that helped you achieve them. Also, once you've recognized your unmet needs, you can bring them to your support system to help you find healthy ways to get those unmet needs fulfilled.
Quitting Porn Is Possible. Get Help Today.
Quitting pornography addiction is a worthwhile endeavor, and is similar to a good soldier in that both are built on a sequence of victories. It is not easy, but with the right mindset, tools, and formation you can achieve your desired success in battle. You are now more knowledgeable about your struggle than you were before, and better armed to fight to break free.