Marriage is a tremendous thing, a holy sacrament between one man and and one woman where the two become one. Man is the active, woman is receptive. Many couples have difficulty because of one major misunderstanding which is clarified with a full understanding of Ephesians 5:25. This is a man's experience of applying Ephesians 5:23 in marriage. You know that part in Ephesians 5 about wives be submissive to your husbands, husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church giving himself up for it. Now often times we think of that in terms of dying for his wife and children. That's not all it means.
Take this, if he didn't marry you, he would be single. And if he's single, he's making 80k, 100k a year, he gets to spend it all on himself, so he can travel, spend time with his buddies, he can save it up, buy a house, buy a house where he wants to live, everything is designed toward him. He can give his life to charity, he can stay up as late as he wants to, get up whenever he wants to. His life can look like anything he wants. That's tremendous. That's a big deal.
When he gets married, what he's saying is I'm giving that up, that life where I could have everything with the same earning potential or maybe even more, and I'm giving up all of that for you, my wife and my children. So every day, all day long, his mind is on, "how can I better take care of my wife and kids?" So he says, "I'm taking this, this massive treasure, and it's a big treasure, because if you're on your own, and you're making this much money, you can do anything you want to. And you keep building more and more money and you don't have to worry about neglecting your wife and kids by being at work this long because you don't have any kids, and you don't have a wife so you can work as long as you want to, make as much money as you want. You can take six months off and hike the Appalachian Trail if you want to, or go on a cruise on a catamaran to Catalina Island. When you're single and making all that money, you don't have a wife and kids to take care of.
So he's saying, "I'm taking this massive treasure and I'm giving to you and our children, I'm going to devote my life by giving up my life for you. So a man puts his entire value in "can I provide for my wife and children, especially if he levels up and gives her that luxury wife life where he can say, "I make enough that she doesn't ever have to work again. She will never have to work because I'm giving up for her and my children, and the kids get to have their mom which is the best situation for a child. Maybe she's taking the kids to school, or homeschooling them, or nursing babies, or being pregnant, but she doesn't have to spend her days in the service of another man or another company. She can stay home and nurture, build a home, build a nest, and really bring life to the family. That's the biggest flex in the world.
So a man is not just saying, "yeah, ok. We'll get married, that's cool." He's saying, "I'm giving this up for you. And I'm going to spend every minute of my day working so you have a good life, and the kids have a good life, and you don't have to work. I'm doing this for you. I'm giving up my life for you."
And one of the #1 handicaps to this is a woman who doesn't trust or respect him. He's doing THIS and she doesn't trust or respect him, and it severely handicaps his performance because you don't have his back.
The other side is if you trust and respect your husband when he goes out to work, you may have thoughts or worry about if he will be tempted in this way or that, but you put those thoughts aside and say, "No, I'm going to trust him," he's going to thrive and feel so emboldened that he's going to do a better job at work, and he'll be thrilled to come home to you, because you trust and respect him for giving up this for you. That trust and respect takes a guy from here to here, even at the same job, but he's going to do much better because he doesn't have to worry about if you love him, or leave him. They are fears, not necessarily rational fears, but he doesn't feel supported. He worries if he feels like you don't have his back. He's not experiencing that fullness of manhood in his work life if his wife doesn't trust and respect him. It actually breaks him down and he performs poorly by comparison.
Women, I know that there's a lot of brokenness in the world, and that you've probably experienced that brokenness in your own life. Maybe you've had a hard time trusting people because you've been hurt. Fair enough. The best thing you can do for your husband to make sure he's going to come home to you every night, and not only tolerate you, but that he's going to love giving up his life for you, is to trust and respect him. Those are two things he can't buy. If you trust and respect him, there's nowhere else he'd rather be than with you.