I've done this work for 7 years.
In the first hour of my first day, I sat in the ER room holding the hands of a newly-widowed septuagenarian, her dead husband, on the exam table, shirt torn open, pale as an onion.
I thought at that very moment, “if I can be a counselor with a dead guy in the room, then I can counsel in any situation.” I’ve reminded myself many days since, “at least there’s not a dead guy in the room.”
1,500 hours into my post-graduate supervision, and a then-recent move to Tyler, Texas, my appointments began to have a very interesting common theme: “I have unwanted [redacted], and I need help overcoming it.” These clients just started showing up. I’d read Shame and Attachment Loss during graduate school, but never imagined I’d have these types of cases.
The only name I knew was the deceased, and much-hated author of the aforementioned book, and “godfather” of helping these men with these issues. I went to his website and found it was still up, meaning someone was paying the bill. I filled out the contact form, and four hours later was on the phone with the “godfather’s” son. We talked for two hours, about my background and interest, about the basics of what these men (and women) suffer. He put me in contact with the man who became my mentor.
Soon I became an expert in a field I’d never before considered, doing what nearly everyone else said was impossible, and making really meaningful short-term connections with the men I help.
God had a plan for my life. He has a plan for yours too. Some people are born knowing what they were created to do. Others learn it later in life. Some may never know.
If you think you haven’t found your calling, start asking God to show it to you. He’ll let you know through affection and inspiration, meaning he’ll give you an inspiration to do that thing and an affection for the work. Pray and ask him, and have the humility to follow wherever he leads, even if it’s not what you had planned for yourself.
Peace.
